Elder-in-Training

In the New Testament, the Holy Spirit through the apostle Paul tells us what makes a man qualified to be an elder in the church. He says that he must be faithful to his (only) wife, and that his children must respect and obey him, and that they must be believers who are not wild or rebellious.

Why should the Bible state personal and family life as requisites for eldership? What does a man’s marital status, and particularly what do his children, have to do with his leadership ability? Aren’t there godly men, capable of leadership, whose marriages have failed, or whose children have rebelled? Would they not still be qualified for spiritual leadership within the church, despite the wrong choices that other family members have made of their own free will?

Perhaps exceptions to the rule can be argued. But exceptions were not Paul's emphasis when he gave his list of qualifications for elders. So let’s simply reflect for a minute on why family qualities might be part of Paul’s lists in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1. I’d like to spend a moment ruminating on the tremendous practical preparation that fathering children can be for equipping a man to be an elder in the church.

Those men who have changed a thousand diapers have been prepared to learn about servant leadership.

Supporting and helping a wife cope with her day-to-day responsibilities is a way to learn to be selfless and give up power-hungry ambitions.

Explaining the concept of "tomorrow" to a three-year-old ("Daddy, is this tomorrow?" "No, son, tomorrow is tomorrow. It is always today, today. Yesterday, today was tomorrow, but today it is today, and tomorrow is always still tomorrow. Now eat your cereal.") prepares you to patiently explain the ways of God to a new believer.

Family men learn about "family values" firsthand (Words like "stupid" and "hate" sound much worse coming from a preschooler than they do coming from a sophisticated adult, for example. And there is no good explanation for casual drugs or sex when talking to a junior higher).

Investing countless hours talking about boys with your teenage daughter might help to prepare you to be ready to counsel with a troubled family in the church.

So, to desire to be an overseer in the church is a noble aspiration. But first things first. Before taking the time to rescue other families in their crises, it is best first to dedicate oneself to one's own family. After all, as Scripture says, "For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?" (1 Timothy 3:5) Men, do you want to be of service to the kingdom of God? First, let’s be of service to the children and wife God has entrusted to us.