Titus 2: 4-5 says “(older women) should encourage the young women to . . . [be] subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”

Did you notice the use of the little word own in that sentence? Wives should learn to be subject to their own husbands. By extension, the best way to be subject is to aim to please (not just obey) him.

Here’s some good news: Women, we don’t have to submit to or please others; we only need to focus on the wishes of our own husband!

The first part of 1 Peter 3:1 says... “In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands.”

There it is again! When I came to realize that pleasing my husband was really pleasing God, I was relieved. It provides a picture of Jesus living to please His own Father. But that is frightening to give up control! What if he makes a wrong decision?

But look at 1 Peter 3:14! “But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed.”  It was very comforting to my quaking heart as I struggled daily not to manipulate my husband Tom to do my will. I am blessed, even if Tom is wrong and I suffer for it!

Likewise, 1 Peter 3: 6 says, “Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” This meant to me that God was going to give me a special bravery for the tough times, and He did!

1 Peter 3:13 says... “And who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good?” My biggest spiritual growth came during those times I really disagreed with Tom and kept my mouth shut. I had to learn to trust that no one would harm me if I purposed to submit as God commanded.

Later in 1 Peter 3, he writes, “To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing instead.” This passage comes right after Peter is talking with husbands and wives on how to get along. We inherit a blessing when we live in harmony!

 How Does This Work?

One of the most important lessons I learned was that I was ultimately serving God, not just my husband. And I found that I could pour out my unreasonable complaining and worrying to my Heavenly Father’s open ears, instead of bottling up resentment towards Tom. Thus that dreadful word “submission” gradually unfolded into a word that meant a sweet expression of my love as a wife.

 The Next Step

Many years after all of this, the Lord allowed me to further see just what pleasing my own husband meant.

    I was still running a tight ship in my home. I set the priorities in the home:

• what chores got done when,

• what our diet consisted of,

• how often we chose entertainment (and what kind),

• how the children were disciplined

• who was assigned daily work.

Having two leaders in the home makes for some . . . interesting moments!

Eventually I began to learn to let Tom make those decisions. I quietly present my ideas on what needs to get done around the house to him, and let him make the final decisions. This works better than allowing the children to endure two different sets of directions for the day.

The house may not be perfect but we do get things done and even have fun working together.

Our home is Tom’s. He sets the standards of cleanliness, dress, diet, church attendance, community involvement, entertainment or lack thereof; As a husband and wife team and “heirs together in the grace of life,” our home has become a much more peaceful place.

You don’t have to make all the decisions anymore! You don’t have to drum up ways to con your husband into choosing your way of thinking. This eliminates half of the stress in your life—and his!

Putting it into Practice

How can we make our husband’s dreams come true? Here are some suggestions:

·Back up his authority in the home. Treat him with respect in public and at home in front of your children. If I am sarcastic, or belittling to my husband, the children learn this and act it out in the form of disrespect or outright rebellion.

·Cook to please your own husband. There may be lots of individual tastes within your home. But if you fix for your own husband and teach your children to be thankful for food, many arguments will be resolved, and you will be off the hook!

·Set a workable schedule according to our husband’s needs, with a good attitude, not a martyr’s face. Set meal times around his schedule. Set bedtimes and morning routines as best fits his life, even if it makes you different from your neighbors.

·   Make time to listen to your husband’s heart. Quietly smile, encourage him to talk, and you will gain better insight as to how to help him. In turn, he might be more willing to hear your own frustrations.

·Let your husband be your best friend. Do not cultivate a friendship (even with a woman) that is closer than your relationship with your own husband. Our deepest heart’s yearnings, concerns and happiness should be the sole privilege of our husband to share. He will know if he is second place in our heart.

·Be very careful about having a close friendship with a wife who controls her home. This can be so subtle. Even though a family may preach “submission,” they may not be helping you to be consistent. Women who are negative and bad talk their husbands are exhibiting symptoms of bitterness, and bitterness is catchy.

 

What About Others?

Have you ever felt judged by someone other than your husband’s priorities? Have you tried to keep your home by someone else’s standards for personal cleanliness? If so, I want to tell you something very freeing: learn to please your own husband! Focus on his wishes, not the whole community’s.

If we wives can spend our time and emotional energy focusing on pleasing our own husbands, instead of a multitude of leaders, friends and relatives, we’ll actually be growing closer to our Lord and Savior. God truly does know what is best, and He knows our limits. He communi­cates to us through our husbands.

Even happily married women can be bent on living independently from their husband. Excuses abound. He is too prone to make errors. He is too weak. He is too harsh. He forgets. He procrastinates.

Choosing to submit to your husband’s wishes (not just his clear commands) may not win us appreciation from our circle of friends. In fact, you may face persecution from those who do not understand or agree with you. Putting our husband first flies in the face of what most communities in America deem socially "right." Most homes, after all, are run by the wife. Just ask any advertising executive!

But choosing to please our husband is God’s design and recipe for a great marriage (and not just from the husband's perspective!).

Be encouraged! From experience, I can attest that the more I work at pleasing my own husband, the more peace I experience, and the easier it gets every day!